XENIOPHRAM

Can’t deal with today? Experiencing high levels of anxiety? Tossing and turning due to yet another sleepless night? We’ve all had those days. But now is the time to finally put a stop to anxiety. Now, is this time to fight back.

Introducing Xeniophram, the advanced anxiety medication for those day-to-day slumps.*

*Taking Xeniophram can improve drops in mood, decrease the frequency of migraines, and in certain circumstances cause a complete loss of memory. 

Be warned, Xeniophram isn’t for everybody.*

*Especially those who enjoy remembering things.

Xeniophram has proven to alter people’s basic brain patterns for the better with little to no side effects.*

*Side effects may include a complete alteration of your opinion of the Fast & the Furious franchise. Some effects include patients considering them, “actually not that bad” and in even more severe cases as, “pretty friggin’ sweet.”

With so many risks it’s important to know that Xeniophram isn’t for everyone.*

*In fact, legally speaking. We don’t know if it’s for anyone.

How often do you take Xeniophram? Good question, it’s just like any other anxiety medication on the market!*

*It’s a once a day, every hour on the hour, twice every half-hour—except during a leap year—kind of pill.

If you’re hesitant, we encourage you to ask your doctor about taking Xeniophram.*

*But claim it’s for a friend and that you just want to make sure that it’s okay for them to take it. This way, your doctor doesn’t think differently of you.

Xeniophram has been known to instill paranoia.*

*Or does it?

Mixing Xeniophram with other over the counter drugs may also be life threatening.*

*And incredibly fun. It could even be worth trying in a group setting. I don’t know, sounds cool to us.

 Under any circumstances do not consume Xeniophram with alcohol.

* …Okay, fine, unless there’s absolutely nothing else you can take it with then we guess it’s fine. But just this one time, okay?

So put an end to to stress and make Xeniophram your first stop on your road to controlling your anxiety*

*And maybe your last, as it has been known to cause death, and worse.