Replaced

-Hey, Thompson can you stay behind for a sec?

-What’s up coach.

-I wanted to talk to you about next week’s playoff game.

-Vista High’s going down. I’ve been waiting all year—

-About that, you see, Josh’s dog Air Bud is going to take your place.

-What?

-You know, Josh’s dog? Air Bud? He’s ‘yea’ high, yellow, walks on all fours.

-I know who he is.

-Yeah, well, I didn’t think it would come to this but if I’m being honest, we all thought you would have left by now. I mean, don’t you think it’s strange we haven’t played you in the past couple of games?

-I thought you were just resting me for the playoffs.

-Listen, we’ve compared Air Bud’s stats to the pros and he’s playing on the same level as Michael Jordan in high school. I know what you’re thinking, you’re thinking Jordan is probably upset he’s being compared to a golden retriever, but get this: MJ said he doesn’t care because Air Bud is such a good guy—

-He met Michael Jordon?

-He came to the game last Friday. Air Bud posted a triple-double and afterwards MJ took the whole team out to Dave and Buster’s to celebrate. Even Emily was there.

-Emily? As in my girlfriend Emily?

-(Nodding) Her and Air Bud really hit it off the other night. As soon as we got there they scurried off and did their own thing. They just fit, you know? They got this organic chemistry that you don’t see nowadays.

-Oh my god. Wait a minute… that was the same day I got call from the hospital saying my aunt had been hit by a postal truck.

-I understand you’re upset, but we did what we had to do in order to give Air Bud the opportunity to start a game. If that meant calling you from a payphone and lying to you about a hit and run, then so be it. We figured it would be tough being replaced by a dog in front of everyone, on the jumbo-tron, to a sold-out crowd.

-(Sniffling)

-Hey, c’mon, it’s okay. This is hard on me too, you know.

-It is?

-(Nodding) I could barely keep it together when I was throwing all your stuff into the garbage.

-You cleared out my locker?!

-Yes, and please don’t go in there and try and use it because it’s Air Bud’s now. I don’t want you making a scene in front of the other guys.

-What about all my stuff!

-All your belongings are in that blue dumpster behind the cafeteria.

-My textbooks were in there!

-I know. I figured if you had them, you’d still want to go to school here.

-Wait until the team hears about this, they’ll have my back. I’ve given everything for this team—What’s this?

-It’s a petition to have you replaced, everyone has already signed it. You’re essentially a dog now.

-Are these my parents’ signatures?

-Yup, in the eyes of the law Air Bud is now legally their son and that drunk clown who originally put him up for adoption is now your father.

-(Sobbing)