A Conversation Between My Two Cats

Wake up.

Is it time?

Yes. In 35 minutes, his alarm will go off.

If we wake him now, he will be very annoyed.

(nodding) It’s just enough time to where you don’t want to wake up yet, but you really can’t go back to sleep either.

That is the worst.

Agreed.

What is plan?

I will jump on countertop, knocking over various fruits from fruit bowl.

He never eats those. It will be no big deal. 

This is true. However, he always says he is going to which somehow makes my actions more upsetting.

You are wise.

Thank you.

What is my job?

You will throw up on bathroom rug.

Throwing up on command is a special skill of mine. I do it whenever I am bored, which is often. 

This is why I have chosen you.

After all is done, we beg for food.

But we have just eaten.

This is information he does not possess. Instead, he will see empty food bowls and think our actions are due to hunger.

We will have seconds?

That is goal.

He wonders how we have put on so much weight.

This is exact reason why.