Netflix Cancellation

We’re sad to see you go! Before leaving, would you mind taking a moment to answer some questions?

 

  • Are you sure you would like to cancel your Netflix subscription?

  • How about one month free? On us!

  • How about two months free and we’ll include a three-dollar deduction from your monthly payment!

  • What do you mean “only” a three-dollar deduction?  

  • On behalf of the entire Netflix team, we would just like to say you’re being a real dick about this.

  • Would you mind sharing your reason for leaving?

  • Disney Plus? 

  • Much like Netflix, is Disney Plus something you could see yourself watching while proceeding to have casual sex with a partner?

  • When close friends and loved ones bring up how much sex they’re having while streaming our platform, will you get jealous?

  • On a scale of 1 to 10 rate your jealousy and what you intend on doing about it.

  • Are you leaving due to the fact that you are unable to afford multiple streaming services at once?

  • Is this because you lost your job?

  • It doesn’t matter how we know about that. 

  • What is the likelihood of you returning to Netflix?

  • Okay, but what if we started making, like, really good shows?

  • While binge watching a show, did you feel like we offered enough time between epis—

    TIME ALLOTTED FOR PREVIOUS QUESTION HAS ENDED. BEGINNING NEXT QUESTION.

  • Were there times when you were thinking about other streaming services while using ours? Does this make you an asshole?

  • When people say there is a “special place in hell”, do you think they’re talking about people who cancel their subscriptions a day before it rolls over?

  • We see that there is an active “Kids” account, would you mind telling them they’re always welcomed back, but that you aren’t.

  • Are you interested in joining our mailing list for reminders on shows you’ll be missing out on?

  • In the future, how likely are you to recommend Netflix to a friend who has more loyalty than you? 

  • All things considered, It’s easy to get lost in the politics of everything. Which is why it’s important to remember that there are thousands of malnourished children across the United States who would rather give up a warm meal than cancel their Netflix subscription. 

  • Lastly, before leaving, please use the comment box below to rate and review your experience with our platform.


    Be sure to include details on why this is the dumbest decision you’ve ever made.