Monologue Samples

• After being cancelled due to an insufficient amount of space suits, the first all-female spacewalk is back on and set for October 21st. On that same day, NASA also hopes to kill two birds with one stone and perform the first catcall in space.

• Since the coronavirus outbreak, Netflix has gained over 16 million subscribers in just three months. Giving them a grand total of 183 million accounts, and that doesn’t even include your mom, your dad, your brother, your Uncle Mike, your old roommate, your ex-wife, your ex-wife’s new husband Mark, and that Roku you’re still signed in at that Air BNB in Palm Springs.

• Chipotle has pledged to cover the tuition for various business and technology degrees. Though the program will include tuition, it will not include other expenses like room and board or textbooks—those will cost you extra.

• A man was accused of stealing an alligator this past week in Florida. The man reportedly forced the reptile to bite his arm, so he could then pour a beer down its throat. Details later revealed the alligator was in no real danger, but instead just a FSU fraternity pledge (show image of an alligator in Oakley sunglasses & sun visor, holding a beer).

   

• A woman in Boca Raton was reunited with her dog after twelve years when a shelter in Pittsburgh discovered a microchip implanted inside her dog. Duchess was excited to be reunited with her owner, though considered running off again after learning her owner still lived in Florida.

• Recent studies show men are far more likely to die from the coronavirus than women, with over 75% of patients in intensive care being men. Which means after this is all over, the gender pay gap will be reduced to only six feet. [image of a woman standing on top a freshly dug grave for a man

Segments and Games

Ad-Libs

On-stage a recent article is displayed on screen covering a current event missing certain words and phrases. An audience suggestion will be tossed in through the use of phrase ‘crowd’ next to a missing part of speech.  Lovett begins by reading the article aloud while each of the guests take turns filling each of the blanks. Once each of the blanks are filled in, Lovett reads the piece over again using the substituted words.

Spotlight

During this segment, each week a candidate or prominent figure in the news will be tossed into the limelight offering a closer look into their lives. Lovett and guests read from a small bio, reading off facts, traits, quotes, attributes, etc.

Name: Peter Paul Montgomery Buttigieg

Born: January 19, 1982

Occupation: Mayor

Interesting Facts:

Studied to be a Jesuit Priest.

Attended Harvard where he studied literature & history

Volunteers at a center for children born with incredibly dumb names just like his. He currently sponsors a child by the name of Chris P. Bacon.

Who Would Win?

A figure in the news or political sphere is put up against a random opponent in a mystery contest. On stage, the wheel spins with a variety of topics attached to it. Examples include “A Fight to the Death”, “100-Yard Dash”, and “Who Would Make the Better First Date.” A participant is then chosen from the audience to represent one of the two people pitted against each other.

On-screen a line cuts in half diagonally. One on side is an image of Senator Bernie Sanders, opposite him is actress Betty White. The screen transitions to a wheel with an assortment of topics. The wheel falls on “Knowing What a THOT is.” Someone from the audience is chosen to represent Bernie while someone from the panel is given Betty.